Post by Cj on Feb 13, 2021 17:19:39 GMT
Guilt!! 
I had a lovely but quite sad chat this morning with a chum I haven't seen for a few years, we chat 3 or 4 times a year...I have known her a long time, we were colleagues some years ago.
She is very organised, very thorough with a kind disposition. After the usual chit chat, she told me she had been to see a therapist between the lockdowns last year as she was finding the demands on her time and energy from family...old and young.. work, friends and neighbours etc very stressful and the stress was seriously affecting her sleep and her mental state. To say I was shocked is an understatement, she is so capable and efficient.
The thing is, whenever anyone asks for her help, time, energy, even money in some instances...she cannot and will not say 'No!!' as she feels immensely guilty and responsible about the knock on effects a refusal may cause. She is part time carer for her mum, nursery nurse for 2 young grandchildren, taxi for a few neighbours and some family members, ( and these people are not necessary frail or vulnerable), she is rarely offered anything to cover costs, and probably would refuse if offered, but I know how much she would appreciate the gesture. Certain neighbours often call early morning asking her to fetch, carry, bring, take whatever...she dreads it but yet cannot ignore their calls...just in case someone is in real peril, she would never forgive herself.
She continues to complete work related tasks at home for her job and is pretty much fully responsible for the family home. However, it is the constant requests from certain neighbours which is causing the main stress and anxiety, on top of everything else she has to cope with...they know she is a 'diamond' and will never turn them down and are abusing that kindness.
Some of the neighbours even asked if she would be part of their 'bubble'.. .she declined. She will never put herself or anyone else at risk, and almost welcomes a strict lockdown as that is the best reason she can give for saying No.
I suggested she should post a copy of the bill for the therapy sessions through the letterboxes of those neighbours who abuse her most and ask for donations
not terribly constructive I know.
The therapy was based on 'assertion' techniques and prioritising, which she felt confident she could put into practice during the sessions, but really struggles applying in real life...
The biggest benefit of the therapy she felt was being able to moan and grumble at length to a complete stranger about her lousy, selfish neighbours, (lousy and selfish are my words not hers
), so maybe that in itself was worth it...I have told her she needs to call me to do that, I could reciprocate with a few grumbles of me own 
I had a lovely but quite sad chat this morning with a chum I haven't seen for a few years, we chat 3 or 4 times a year...I have known her a long time, we were colleagues some years ago.She is very organised, very thorough with a kind disposition. After the usual chit chat, she told me she had been to see a therapist between the lockdowns last year as she was finding the demands on her time and energy from family...old and young.. work, friends and neighbours etc very stressful and the stress was seriously affecting her sleep and her mental state. To say I was shocked is an understatement, she is so capable and efficient.
The thing is, whenever anyone asks for her help, time, energy, even money in some instances...she cannot and will not say 'No!!' as she feels immensely guilty and responsible about the knock on effects a refusal may cause. She is part time carer for her mum, nursery nurse for 2 young grandchildren, taxi for a few neighbours and some family members, ( and these people are not necessary frail or vulnerable), she is rarely offered anything to cover costs, and probably would refuse if offered, but I know how much she would appreciate the gesture. Certain neighbours often call early morning asking her to fetch, carry, bring, take whatever...she dreads it but yet cannot ignore their calls...just in case someone is in real peril, she would never forgive herself.
She continues to complete work related tasks at home for her job and is pretty much fully responsible for the family home. However, it is the constant requests from certain neighbours which is causing the main stress and anxiety, on top of everything else she has to cope with...they know she is a 'diamond' and will never turn them down and are abusing that kindness.
Some of the neighbours even asked if she would be part of their 'bubble'.. .she declined. She will never put herself or anyone else at risk, and almost welcomes a strict lockdown as that is the best reason she can give for saying No.
I suggested she should post a copy of the bill for the therapy sessions through the letterboxes of those neighbours who abuse her most and ask for donations
not terribly constructive I know. The therapy was based on 'assertion' techniques and prioritising, which she felt confident she could put into practice during the sessions, but really struggles applying in real life...
The biggest benefit of the therapy she felt was being able to moan and grumble at length to a complete stranger about her lousy, selfish neighbours, (lousy and selfish are my words not hers
), so maybe that in itself was worth it...I have told her she needs to call me to do that, I could reciprocate with a few grumbles of me own 
hope we are all enjoying a brill weekend, will catch up later xx
who is going through the mill at the mo, wishing you a very speedy recovery Trisha big luv 
storm brewing, must get me cauldron out 
