I’m not an empty nester so maybe I have no right to post here but I really do feel for you all.
OS picks up the keys for his house on Weds but there’s so much to do on it that it’ll be a few months before he actually goes. I have no right to be devastated by that as I spent so long thinking he was going to live in Boston and now he’s only moving about 15mins away. I’ll still have YS. I have a feeling he’ll be with us forever. That’s comforting but also sad as I want more for him.
I do remember those lovely family Christmases though when we had both sets of parents round and the house was full of torn wrapping paper and noise. It was hard work but well worth it but I was younger then and had more energy. Also the grandparents just came for the day and I cooked loads so everyone just helped themselves to leftovers the next day. I used to say that my favourite day of the year was Boxing Day. All the work was done and I could finally relax.
Now my mum is gone and my dad is difficult. My FIL is losing the plot and doesn’t leave the house so it will just be the 4 of us. I’ve told the boys that if they want a turkey they can buy and cook it themselves. Who knows..they might but I’m not holding my breath.
I will never stop worrying and my family is far from perfect but I love not having the washer on every day, vegging out on the sofa all Sunday afternoon without feeling guilty, not having to cajole kids out of bed in the morning, no morning rush to find shoes books uniform and coats. School traffic!! Missing school plays because I have a job. Appointments for doctors, dentists, opticians. I love going out with my husband to do the most mundane things without being on a timer to get back to cook meals. Going to places without the constant cry of “I’m bored, can we go now?” Tidy house. Fresh smelling house. Settled pets! No pots in the sink. Walking around naked or wearing very little. Waking with a smile. Coming home from work to a house the way I left it. Always having milk and eggs in the fridge. Not having to hide Christmas presents. Not having to hide alcohol and money. Being able to chat without listening ears. Having the bathroom to myself. Clean car interior. Full set of glasses, mugs, plates, no missing cutlery, the quiet and stillness … the peace … the quiet …
Did I mention I love my kids? They are coming for Christmas dinner and they do visit from time to time, in fact laddo and his girlfriend are coming for tea tonight, but my life has not revolved around them, I’ve hopefully done my best to give them the tools they need to devote their lives to making themselves happy, so now, my life is about making me and my husband happy. I firmly believe there’s no right or wrong way, both my kids were brought up the same and are totally opposite now in every single way, so please don’t think I’m trying to say that this is how it should be done.
I’m just really - despite everything - happy in my life now.
Dogs come when called, cats take a message and get back to you at their convenience.
Love reading all your replies and different opinions.
PM. I am really genuinely pleased you have found happiness in your life, I know you have had the toughest time and totally understand where you are coming from.
I also understand BBs feeling of loss from busier times and Magggzz, I am relieved he didn't end up in Boston. I also want to tell you something that may set your mind at ease over your YS. My husband has a new job as you know and works with some very niche individuals, he get's on with them all, they are all very different but all very nerdy too One of the guys is 47 and still lives with his parents, he's had a bash at a few relationships which worked for a while but is very happy in his own world with his parents, they love him and enjoy him being there and he is very content in his life with them. If your YS is content in the life he has with you, then if it's not what you would have wanted for him, take joy that he may be very content in the life he has chosen, at least for the moment, they are all different in what they need out of life.
There is a lot to be said for being part of a group, and the support and friendship that is gained from this.
Daugherty peppersmum, I could have written your post. When our two left home, I didn't know what to do with myself. We took one to Salford on the Saturday and the other one to college in Stafford the day after. My saving grace was work, I could go and pretend that nothing had changed. We soon became accustomed to our new life which included lots of meals out. We never stop loving and worrying about our children no matter how old they are.
Trisha
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. C. S. Lewis
B that helps. I think he’s happy and I don’t think I’d manage well without him but I want him to have a full life and I don’t feel he does.
Peppersmum, all the things you say sound so great. It must be wonderful to clean the kitchen and have it stay clean. Being able to buy food and know it will still be there. I either have a fridge full of eggs or none at all and I’m sick of tripping over big smelly trainers that have just been left at the bottom of the stairs. When it stops though I’ll probably miss it. It’s nice to see the positives though.
I always feel it’s a shame that life hits us with things all at once. When the boys were little it was hard work but now I’d give anything to spend a day with those two little ones again. I suppose that comes back when people have grandchildren but I’m told that it’ll be 2 years at least.
Whatever everybody’s situation I hope you all manage to have a nice Christmas whether it’s a quiet one or a chaotic one. xxx